“…and the word became flesh and dwelt among us.” – John 1:14

Words, turning into flesh.

I am not much of a religious guy but every time I hear those words, to me, it either sounds something so beautifully poetic or heavy metal as fuck.

As with many other phrases, quotes, paragraphs, and any other form of words jumbled together to bridge an understanding, those words had lost their meaning to me as well.

Lost, until enough time had passed for one to finally understand. An understanding that I had found when I met her. My earliest memory of her was in fact, so surreal and intangible that it can almost be construed as a figment of my imagination.

Back then, she was an idea. A voice on the other side of the phone. A voice that somehow shared my pain, listened to my dreams, and saw me for who I really am.

And for a time, I thought, that I was also the same for her too – an idea.

And time did what time does best: pass by.

And I found myself longing even more for that voice.

Longing for that “idea”.

Months passed by, and that thought and feeling took its place in the backseat of my mind but was never really forgotten. I have grown enough in life to accept that some ideas are often only felt and seldom realized. I tried to find that idea in the form of ideals imposed on the one that I thought was the other half of me.

I have tried to reshape another person in that idea and so did she (with her ideals), to me. An idea that was never meant to be her and might never be. In the end, we both understood that we were simply not who we thought each other was, and that our story was difficult to continue.

And that would be the end.

And that was also somehow the beginning.

And that voice within the backseat of my mind made itself known, once again.

I found myself in long contemplation as to why.

How a faceless voice made me feel this way. How her words had dwelt upon me. I thought once more: some ideas are only meant to be felt and seldom realized.

Two choices. Two questions. To merely feel? Or to realize/materialize?

In one eventful night, I chose to find the answer for myself. And again, it all started with words: “Hi Pam. How are you?”.